right after i posted about march and april i knew i left something out. but i couldnt put my finger on it. it bothered me for a second. then it came to me a few days later. march marked my 1 year anniversary in ukraine. i couldnt believe that i forget that. it did and still does seem like such a landmark. since being here i feel like i have a lot more landmarks/milestones/time markers then before. Every month is an x month anniversary, every week feels like more than just a week. i have activities scheduled months in advance, just because thats how it has to be done. people are busy, start booking. there is always something to look forward to, something to get through...


so a year. where to start. ive thought about it, this, many times. since my language skills dont allow it, most of my deeper conversations are had with myself. and ive thought, and thought what does it mean, how do i feel, what have i done, whats next. and i do really want to put it to paper, or whatever this is but now im finding it rather difficult...


what i do know, is that its not all about me. why im here, what i am doing this for. sure a little is. i dont think its very truthful for anyone to say its not but it wasnt my main reason. i really just want to be able to walk away when its over and feel like ive done the best i could do and maybe that i did something that was of value for them. after one year i dont feel that i have done as much as i could, but i think its good that i know i havent succeeded yet, this time, right now failure isnt really failing. though with time on the clock thats easy to say. i guess the biggest conclusion i can make is that after one year im not ready to leave yet.


a year ago i couldnt even imagine myself now. and i cant even begin to imagine myself a year from now.